Discouraged, Not Defeated

I didn't think it would happen to me. I've read about all the race mishaps that could happen, but carefully tried to prevent them from happening. "Hitting the wall" and having weird digestive issues has always been my biggest fear on race day so carefully, I would make sure my nutrition was on spot up until race day....and so far I haven't hit the wall, fortunately.

Running has been my activity where I can push myself beyond limits that I didn't know I was capable of. It has also been the activity where I felt my strongest and my healthiest. I enjoy running, yet I hate the time commitment it takes to be strong. Running is not a sport of instant gratification. It's slow, steady, and grueling. 

If I could devote 24/7 to running maybe I would be this super awesomeness runner. My reality is I am a mother, a wife and currently I'm working a graveyard shift job the night before my Saturday races. I'm use to functioning on a few hours of sleep, but unfortunately my sleep deprivation caught up to me. Word of advice: Do not run a marathon...26.2 miles...on 3 hours of sleep in 48 hours and expect to do well. Sleep is crucial.

I am not exaggerating about my lack of sleep. I wasn't planning on being sleep deprived, everything just got busy and Friday night I had the worse sleep ever. I went to work Midnight Friday morning, after only 2 hours of sleep, till 8:30 am. My plan was to take a nap after work, but I had to run errands, shop, pack, clean house, drop my daughter off at school, take care of my son, pick up my other daughter from school and by the time I knew it was already 5pm Friday....functioning on only 2 hours of sleep.

In the back of my head, I was nervous. The ride to Timothy Lake, Mt Hood area was about 2 hours, and I tried to take a nap. Every little bit helped, but I was lacking a deep sleep. I surely thought I would get at a least 6 hours of sleep that night...nope. We unpacked, set up tent, enjoyed a nice campfire and I think everyone was exhausted by 9pm since we all worked or went to school that day. The kids crashed immediately and we went to bed right away....naively we forgot how cold it gets up in the mountains.

It got cold, so cold that I felt like I was an icicle. My feet were frozen and my body was chilled. It was cold!!! My eyes were closed, but my body never went into that deep sleep. My muscles got all kinked because I was curled in the most awkward positions just trying to stay warm that in the morning I was sore all over....did I mention how cold it was??. I swear it was close to freezing. 

JR was just as cold that by 4:30 am Saturday when the sun was barely breaking, we both went outside, built a fire and did our best to stay warm.

I was tired, yet convinced myself I was still capable of running this race.

8:30am the sun was coming out and it was quickly warming up. As the race started, my feet were literally frozen and numb and didn't thaw out till about 2 miles in...

The marathon course was beautiful. This was my first Trail Marathon. I was jumping over fallen logs, running through majestic forests, trying to skip over rocks and running through rugged terrain. This was absolutely my favorite course I've ran so far. The course wasn't challenging. My body just fell apart.

My heart and my mind believes I can run a marathon. My desire and spirit to run is strong. My willpower to finish is mighty, but I learned from this run, my body isn't strong when it's lacking energy. Without sleep, no energy...

At mile 11 I really started to feel that lack of energy. I tried fighting it knowing I still had 15 miles to go. I was a little off pace but thought if I could finish the 13.1 half by 2 1/2 hours I still could manage to finish. I finished the half in that time limit and realized my pace was getting slower with each step I got. At 3 hours into the race, I was barely at 15 miles....so off pace and getting discouraged.

I was tired. I knew I wouldn't make a PR and would surpass my old Marathon time. 11 miles to go and all I wanted to do was finish, but even mathematically it was going be tough. So I had to stop focusing on time, which was disappointing, because I want to perform my best, but knew now the goal just to finish would be challenging enough.

The Timberline Marathon wasn't a huge marathon. Maybe only 130-150 runners. With such a small group, I found myself running solo for at least 15 miles. I don't mind the solitude. In such a beautiful forest I enjoyed it...but the mind can play tricks on you. I didn't know if anyone was behind me and at times just felt alone. I questioned my purpose of running. I don't need races to validate who I am, running isn't my life and I'm in no way ever going to win a race, so why should I race anyways? I came upon aid station at mile 18 and was about to throw in the towel, but for some reason I kept going...what's the reason?

4 hours into the race I was only at mile 19. It took me an hour to run 4 miles!! So discouraging. All those hours I trained seem to not matter. I couldn't believe how weak my body was. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Doing the calculations in my head I had 2 1/2 hours to run 7 miles. That seem impossible...I was exhausted, so exhausted. My legs couldn't move. I knew an aid station was coming up at around mile 20...maybe I would throw in towel then. I wanted to, but with every ounce I had I kept going.

6 miles...I've already ran 20, can't quit now. But those 6 miles hurt and mentally I was fighting not to give up. Unfortunately, discouragement got the best of me. I tried my positive mantras, but grey clouds of discouragement really clouded my thoughts. Running is such a mental battle just as it is physical. 

Mile 24 I didn't care about time. I didn't care if I was last one. I didn't care if everyone left. I was going to finish. My legs hurt. Those were the 2 longest miles of my life...

6:04:01....I finished

And at the finish line when I was about to just fall down and cry I saw 2 friends who surprisingly came to this race to see me finish. They gave me that last burst of energy to finish. Margarita Beard and They Christiansen are rock stars and great runners too. I don't think they realize how weak I felt, both physically and mentally and to hear them cheer me on to finish was such a sweet act of encouragement and was awesome! I am grateful for them...thank you!!

So where do I go from here? Plans have changed. I had 6 hours to contemplate and ponder about my need to run. Am I done with running...not quite yet, but my focus is different...

Do I love running?.........

So Silently It Came

My first recollection of even thinking that something could possibly be wrong with me was months after I stopped taking the pill. I didn't connect the pill and hair loss for at least a year after I was off the pill.

I remember visiting my family in Toronto in Aug 2012 and how happy I was to see all my family after so many years. As a house guest, I was always trying to keep our living quarters as neat as possible. One day after styling my hair I happen to glance on the floor and noticed all the loose hairs on the ground. There were many! Black hair is quite noticeable on a white tile floor! I don't think it even shocked me then because I was convinced that all this loose hair was because I had a baby....but just wait, my baby was already 2 1/2 years old. And usually, my hair stops after a year at the most. But of course, it had to be happening because I had a baby. It just had to be. I was only only 33 and hair loss happens like when your 60, right? I was in a state of hope, denial and thank goodness not shock...that would come later!

The summer came and gone, so did autumn and winter of 2012. I don't have any memory of dwelling much on my hair. I know it was falling out, but I was still ignoring any real problem and thinking that eventually it would stop. I'm glad I was still clueless. I was happy then.

Then April of 2013 rolled around. I remember washing my hair in the shower and just feeling long strands of hair falling through my fingers. It had always been happening, but now my mind was awakened. I had to do it again just to make sure and ran my fingers through my hair and even more hair fell out. But everyone loses hair each day, yet a clump of hair and another clump of hair can't possibly be normal. That feeling of shock overcame me. What the heck was happening? Freaking out is an understatement. Initial thought...is it cancer? But usually hair falls out because of chemo, so hopefully that's not it. Blowdrying and straightening my hair caused even more hair to fall out.

The mind plays powerful games with you. Far fetched scenarios and thoughts can mess up your mind and affect your mood. I felt devastated!

Boom, Bam, Boom!!!...my hair loss came silently and suddenly. It cut through my confidence, my self worth, and any good feelings I had about myself. It cut deep.

It's only hair, what's the big deal? It can grow back. The thought of "be grateful your alive" twirled in my head...

But it's my hair. I'm only 33. My hair is a part of my identity. Hair and image validates who I am. Have you ever seen a balding woman before who is younger than 60? "What's going on?" screams the other part of me....panic and shock!

So I Googled hair loss. I found a lot remedies to help prevent hair loss from washing your hair with eggs and mayonnaise, taking iron pills, not blowdrying your hair, using Rogaine and meditating. Many articles mentioned hair loss due to stress and also because of giving birth. For the time being that satisfied my fears.

 Maybe it was stress, except I felt awesome. I had been training hard for my first marathon and felt the best that I ever felt. Maybe it was because I had a baby, but now my baby was 3 years old. Maybe my diet was off balance, but I was eating more protein than ever which is supposed to promote hair growth...maybe it was this, maybe it was that???

So I tried it all. I highly recommend not washing your hair with eggs and mayonnaise. I started taking vitamins, eating healthy foods, and not styling it with heat. Nothing really helped. I tried hair loss shampoos, but was very weary about using them. First, they are really expensive and all claim that you won't see much growth after 8 months. None guaranteed hair growth and none guaranteed that my hair would stop falling out. After reading tons of reviews, and I means tons, it was obvious that hair shampoos was a gamble and didn't have the money to find out if it worked.

So here I was in May of 2013 just feeling hopeless, devastated and hopeless even more!

Now, in a long term perspective my hair loss isn't that bad. My health problems could be much worse. I could be dying or fighting a battle to live. Many would trade their illness for my baldness, but my journey and my story isn't just about hair loss.

It's about giving up a life you once knew for something that you wish you never had. We all go through that. My story isn't much different than a person going through divorce, losing your job, failing in school, not being accepted to your favorite college or sports team, and fighting an illness.

My life changed that day. My happy bubble that I was living in, suddenly popped. The life I knew disappeared and here I was alone faced with a choice.

Adversity, whether great or small, can build you up or tear you down. It can remind you of your blessings or it can drive you into a hole of self pity. Adversity can make you reflect on the positive or can poison your soul with bitterness.

So I remembered looking in the mirror, crying as hair after hair fell out knowing I had to make a choice...and wasn't quite sure what it would be.

If Only I Knew- Part 2

I used to have thick full hair- so thick that you couldn't even wrap an elastic band around your pony tail twice. I can't say I ever had beautiful hair. It was always frizzy and had this funky wave that never wanted to cooperate. I always thought my hair was a curse and I remember wishing to have thin hair. I guess I should watch out for what I wish for...wishes can come true. If only I knew that my thick hair was a blessing, I would not have taken it for granted.

I didn't realize my hair was falling out so drastically right away. I had just given birth to my fourth child and had experienced hair loss before after birth because of a change in hormones. It's actually quite normal, but it will eventually stop. In this case it never did.

I never a was a pill popping birth control advocate. I've actually always had mixed feelings about taking them. Only 2 times in life had I taken the pill. Growing up in the LDS faith I cherished my role as mother and had been taught repeatedly the importance of "Multiplying and replenishing the earth" and the nobility of motherhood.  Getting closer to child bearing years and marriage I had to do some soul searching. Without official church doctrine, only guidelines to help you make a personal decision, I chose at that time that the pill would be temporary method to help plan my family. I didn't experience any harsh or sudden effects in my early year of marriage and when we felt the time was right, I got off the pill and had no trouble getting pregnant. Over the next ten years, I didn't use the pill because having children was important to me.

After 6 pregnancies, 3 C-sections and 4 children I had to do some soul searching again about motherhood and raising children. Not knowing exactly what I wanted and having not experienced any harsh effects with the pill, I decided that I would give it a try again. Thing is, I never really understood what the Birth Control Pill really was. In some sense, I was still naive. I trusted doctors and modern medicine (and at times, still do). I had never really heard any negative side effects from taking the pill except for weight gain and increased acne. In my naive state, I thought the pill was just some kind of medicine that stop pregnancies. So naive, I didn't even realize that the Birth control pills were hormones that would drastically change the balance of my hormones which could never be balanced again. Trust me, I was so naive that sometimes I wish I could slap myself on the forehead and say "Duh, I'm dumb!" At that time, the pros outweighed the cons...if only I knew!

So I made a choice. Do I regret it? Sometimes, but at that time and with the knowledge I had, I made a choice that I felt was right. I've beaten myself with the "what if's and the "why me's" but it doesn't change anything.

This post isn't about the why or why nots of taking the pill. There are some in my church that are strongly opposed to taking it. Good for you! I admire your strong faith and belief. There are those like me who uses faith, medical science, logic, trust in God and in one self to make a decision. Is that bad? I don't know. Women who don't take the pill are not any better than those who did or who do. Why compare our decision with others. Women are notorious for secretly comparing themselves or putting others down silently to feel better about themselves.... I've come to peace with my choice.

Anything that has to do with contraception, family planning, birth control has been hush, hush topics especially in a religious setting. My mother wasn't great at educating me and I really had no one to talk to or sources to inform me. I had all the religious teachings of why the pill might not be the best option, but not much medical advice. Today, even doctors don't inform you about these side effects- maybe feeling the pressure of pharmaceuticals- they try to sell them to you. Now with the increase of technology, thankfully there are more articles and women speaking up. Maybe my story isn't new, but it's mine and now I have a choice to live it or hide from it. I choose the former....

If Only I Knew- Part 1

Have you ever wondered if you could change the past because that one critical choice could shape your future? Some choices are full of regret, sadness, sorrow or the complete opposite and are full of happiness and joy. I use to question "Why did this  happen to me?" and "If Only I Knew" maybe I would of chose something else. Today I don't live with sadness and depression. Today I live with acceptance!

I am a marathon runner. I've only ran 1 official full marathon so far, 5 official half marathons, have logged in hundreds of miles of training runs an am currently training for 2 full marathons, 2 half marathons and a 50K.  I won't be writing much on the technical aspects of running because there are tons of blogs about that, but basically how running has changed me and given me the confidence to endure and face fear with faith. "If only I knew" how exhilarating it felt to push through limits when you legs are hurting and your mind says no mo more, but you keep going anyways, I would have started sooner!

I have Androgenic Alopecia...what is that? I had a friend ask me if that was some type of cancer. No, thank goodness! And because of that I am grateful because there are many who are struggling with life threatening illnesses, fighting a battle, and hoping to be a warrior. I admire them.
Androgenic Alopecia is the shrinking and miniaturizing of hair follicles due to a hormonal change and imbalance. I have an excess of DHT which is the male testosterone that simply wants to kill my follicles (click on the links to read more)....And the culprit for my mishap and hours of questioning "Why Me"....well it was the tiny, oh so tiny mischievous pill that seems like the ordinary thing to do called the Birth Control Pill. "If Only I Knew" I know things would have been different!

Over the next few posts I will be talking more about my relationship, my choice, my belief and my hatred for the birth control pill. I would love to inform other women, especially young women about the risks of taking the pill. I was never told, I never knew and wish I did. I was naive. If only I knew! I know many of you are passionate about not taking the pill due to your beliefs and religious reasons, some are neutral, and some believe the pill is an amazing medical invention. Some may think I deserve what happened to me because I took the pill and may criticize the very choice...gosh I criticize myself. But because of running I've learned to be strong and realize that the opinions of others about me have no significant impact on my life so think what you may, whisper behind my back but please give me no pity. I do not pity myself.

Gumballs Anyone?

It seems lately that life and time are passing way too quickly. Trying to hold on to the past and great memories bring me sweet moments as I live this journey. So anything that seems nostalgic and represents the innocence of childhood, I love. One of my favorite blogs Two Classy Chics is hosting a FABULOUS giveaway for a replica antique Gumball Machine from Gumballs.com . If you are looking for a fun gift, check out all the awesome candy, vending and gumball machines that they have. You know like those classic red gumball machines that every kids wanted when they were young! I've always wanted one and even at 33 years of age I think I would love it more than my kids. And having a coin operated machine will be such a great way to reward my kids when they do good deeds. So I am trying to win one! And you can too. I won't be jealous if you win! Check out Two Classy Chics to enter and the giveaways are listed on the right. They do some excellent product reviews and giveaways. But hurry, this giveaway ends March 30, 2012!! Also, wish me luck!

Am I a fool?

Am I fool?

I am grateful that I live a frugal and financially responsible life, yet sometimes I question myself if I'm a fool for sticking and believing in a principle of financial self reliance and hard work. I still believe that you must work hard for what you want and that you are responsible for your life especially the financial choices that you make. Does anyone else still believe in the old fashion values of self reliance?

Unfortunately I am seeing an attitude change towards a feeling of entitlement.

I love my house. There's nothing special about it- 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room and yes 1 bathroom! It's a ranch style house, built in the 70 and known as a basic farmhouse neighborhood. I think we still have some of the original fixtures and cupboards in the house. We've updated a little such as re-siding and a new roof, but to the majority, it is plain and simple- just the way I like it!

One thing that I love about my house is the yard. It's not enormously big but has enough space to put 4 apple trees, 2 cherry trees, a garden, chickens, plenty of space to play both in the front and back and it's all fenced so my little ones can play without being run over!

We only have a little under 1100 sq  ft living space (JR might have to correct me on this one), but we are feeling a little crowded. We've lived in the house for 10 years and gave birth to 4 kids during those years.    Our original plan was that it would be our starter home for 5 years and then we would sell to move into something a tad big bigger. But of course the market changed and since we bought the house at such a great deal with a modest mortgage it seemed that staying rather than moving was a the best choice. And I do not regret that choice at all. We weighed our options, planned for the future and was financially responsible!

My house, my home represents my value of hard work, self reliance and doing it on your own without relying on others, especially the government.

I love paying cash for my groceries, I love paying for our Health Insurance- especially my children's, (I am grateful that my husband chose a profession that offers health insurance- something you should consider when taking a job), I love that our Mortgage isn't subsidized (such as A USDA  Loan), I love that I have excellent credit and no credit card, and I love that we have 1 modest, reliable car that we can afford with an affordable car payment!

I get a weird sense of satisfaction when all my bills are paid. I love writing out the checks because I can live with less stress!

But yet something is bothering me! It's not envy nor jealousy but maybe I'm feeling like a fool because I feel that self reliance is not a big deal anymore.

Unfortunately, the government has put a monetary value to our society that considers who is living below the poverty level and who's not. We are a society of classes-low,middle and high. According to society we would probably be considered low middle class...maybe- but I don't feel it. I feel blessed and rich! We can still qualify for a USDA Home Loan, Children State Health Care, food stamps, reduced school lunches. We wouldn't get the maximum amount allotted, but some. And if we had more children we would definitely qualify for even more!

I have to admit we've considered for applying for a USDA Loan so we could move to a bigger home. It's even been suggested to us. We've even went to get application, but could not bring ourselves to fill it out. Not because the process was long, but because our conscience-deep conscience- was telling us that we could afford paying for our own home if we lived frugally, responsibly, and by accepting such a loan  we were somehow cheating ourselves. And yes we have pride too!.....So today we live in our little humble home.

Am I fool for not playing the game?

The state cuts to a teachers salary are becoming worse. And I even considered putting my children on State Health Care because it would save us money. We pay $800 a month in premiums and our kids qualify for a subsidized plan according to amount of yearly income we make. So basically, health insurance would only cost maybe $300 and we would have an extra $500 in our pockets. Am I an idiot for not do that? C'mon I would be saving money, but my conscience says that's not right. A dole is a dole! A part of your financial freedom is taken away!

Shouldn't I have a feeling of entitlement? My husband works hard, pays his taxes, is responsible, we live frugally and are making just enough, so don't we deserve a handout?

Should I be doing it because everyone else is doing? It bugs me inside sometimes when I find out how needs are being paid for. There are those that shouldn't have their kids on State Health Care yet live in big homes and have 3 cars and go on nice vacations- It obvious if they changed their lifestyle they could afford insurance for their family. And they make more money than we do!  Are they the smart ones because they take advantage of these programs and I am fool for sticking to a principle?

C'mon if put my kids on State Health Care we would have an extra $500 to go towards a mortgage for a lot bigger house....wouldn't that be nice!

Or is this about survival of the fittest and I need to do whatever I can to get ahead, even if at the expense of others? If the government is going to dish out these entitlement programs then I should take advantage...right? I got to think of my family first. Who cares who's paying my kids healthcare, mortgage and food. I've got to pay for my huge house (which of course is subsidized)-forget a modest house- my 2 cars, cellphone, extravagant vacations and dinner out at a restaurant!

Thank goodness there is that underpaid school teacher that is financially responsible, pays for his own health care, eats Top Ramen, lives within his means, has 1 car and lives in his little humble house. Without him this wouldn't be possible!


So am I fool?

We want Jobs-Jobs,Jobs,Jobs!!- So what?

     I remember looking through the classifieds in the newspaper a few years and seeing the plentiful job listings. I wasn't looking for a job (I was busy enough being a stay at home mom), but was just browsing to see what kind of jobs were available in case I needed to work. Now, the classifieds are empty with only a few postings. It would be a discouraging feeling for the unemployed especially if they have a desire to work!
     Finding a job is one of the most uneasy feelings and stressful times in your life. I've always hated looking for a job. The feeling of inadequacy and lack of confidence becomes apparent especially when you've been turned down numerous times.
     I remember getting my first job at age 14. I would hit the mall and stores asking for applications and if they were hiring. I was turned down many times and those who were afraid to tell me no would give me an  application and tell me to fill it out and return it. And I did. I doubt they ever looked at it, but by filling it out, it gave me hope. I really thought I would get hired at McDonald's because every teen works at McDonald's, right? Sadly, McDonald's wouldn't even hire me.
     I remember feeling desperate. I wasn't trying to find a job so I could have brand new clothes (that's a big deal for a high school student), but so I could help my mom pay the rent and so I could eat. I don't wish poverty on anyone, but I am thankful for that situation because it taught me that I had to learn to help myself.
     My first job was at in the basement of a hotel near the airport selling restaurant coupon books via phone. I was a telemarketer:) The job paid by the hour and it wasn't commission. I was glad that they hired me that I actually became so overwhelmed that my nose started bleeding. I was afraid they would change their mind because of how embarrassing the situation was, but glad they didn't. It was an after school job, about 15 mins by bus, but many times I would walk to work which took 45 mins in an effort to save money. I remember working hard. Trying to convince a total stranger to buy a  coupon book is not easy and the numerous times they hung up on me could be depressing. But I was grateful and worked as hard as I could and eventually found success on the job. My experience only lasted a few months because they were changing all the positions to commission only and I knew that I needed a steady paycheck so I left. I will say that that was the first year I was able to buy Christmas presents for my parents. I was happy!
      My second job was at Centre Island. I knew the chances of getting that summer job were going to be competitive. Students from all over Toronto would be applying. I am thankful for the Job preparations classes that my high school offered. I learned how to write a resume, how to interview, how to talk about myself etc. I also took a job Co-op program that year and worked in a travel agency. That gave me experience. And when the time to interview came, I knew I had only one chance to impress and I was  only  17. I dressed in my very best, practiced interviewing in the mirror and read over my resume. I arrived at the job early and saw the numerous applicants. My heart sank because I knew my chances would be tough. But I had a blast of confidence. I remember smiling through the interview. I remember  being cheerful. I was applying for a food service position and though I had no experience I knew that my attitude would make a big difference. I left the interview not knowing if I had the job, but was ecstatic when I got the call back that I was hired.
     I remember working hard that summer. I was punctual, I didn't take long breaks, I tried my best,I did all the rookie not so nice jobs, I tried not to gossip (working with a whole bunch of teenagers stinks and can get tense once in awhile) and just focus on the job. I know was probably called nerd and geek because I would only focus on the job, but I was blessed
     My employer (who was intimidating and scary because I swear would never smile) knew I was reliable. Everyone was required to work on Sundays. It was an amusement park and Sundays were the busiest day. But I wanted to attend church and believe that Sunday is the Sabbath day. Everyone said she would say no and not ask. Somehow I got up the courage and asked for Sundays off and told her why. She said she couldn't guarantee it and told me that I could get many hours, even overtime,and get paid more if worked Sundays. It was tempting. I needed the money but still needed Sundays off. Yet each Monday, when the weekly schedule came up, I had Sundays off. I think I was the only one and in the end I was blessed even more. I actually made more money because sometimes they would send everyone home except for the minimum crew to operate the park on rainy days and I always got to stay. I needed to make a lot of money and I did. They even requested that I return the next summer to work for them and I did.
     My job experiences were never glorious. I worked through college as "The Fry Girl" in Ricks College cafeteria and as the custodian in the dorms. I cooked, did laundry. ironed, vacuumed and mopped my way through college. In my early years of marriage without a bachelor's degree and feeling inadequate once more I was a butcher's counter help slicing rib eye steaks and making BBQ sandwiches. I worked in a hamburger joint with annoying teenagers and eventually found myself back to telemarketing in Utah. Wasn't the ideal job, but continued working hard and found myself getting pay raises and bonuses. We  were able to live on my paycheck as my husband finished university. After he graduated  and we moved to Vancouver WA I found myself searching for a job, feeling inadequate, but eventually got hired as JC Penney's jewelry sales associate. I continued working hard and got paid my base salary plus tons of commission and made some decent money. I left that job to give birth to my first child....that was 10 years ago
      Today, jobs are scarce. People are shouting JOBS, JOBS, JOBS. We want JOBS...So what!  Even with the creation of new jobs you can't sit around hoping that the job will be given to you on a silver platter. It won't! Actually, if the economy does turn around the jobs will be even more competitive because there is a high demand.
     Fathers are out of work and children are going hungry. Unfortunately, there is a trend that unemployment and welfare are the solutions since I can't find a job. This sense of government dependency is enabling people, especially men to stay home, twiddle their thumbs, and wait for the economy to turn that around. They are playing the victim game, yet depending on others. Some say they have a strong desire to work, but won't go out and find one because there are no jobs-so they say. There are jobs-few jobs-but jobs. I have more respect for the person especially fathers who spend 8 hours a day writing resumes, checking out work source services, networking, job hunting, and even begging for work than the one who stays at home and twiddles his thumbs. You will probably not find the ideal job and will have to humble yourself to accept a job, but you will build a sense of pride, self confidence and freedom when you provide for yourself.
     I know those feeelings of inadequacy are real. I hate them. I had to rely on prayer and faith many times in my job seeking adventures. It was so hard, but so worth it.
     Now finding a job may take months. It may require you lean upon the government, but it should always only be temporary...not years! Job seeking may require you to  think outside the box and do some deep soul searching, but never give up. Our society needs more hard working people regardless of the economic situation in our countries.
      Job seeking may also require sacrifice. It may require you to give up some of your most treasured possessions so you  can make ends meet. I am grateful for the choices my husband has made and for the security his career brings to our family. But we live with an attitude that we are willing to give up our "toys" if times ever got hard for our family. We know his boat is the first to go. We would do everything we could, sell everything we could before we dare ask help from our family, the church and the government
     Financial freedom and self reliance requires sacrifice not entitlement. This sense of I should be on welfare because there are no jobs is a cop out and is not taking responsibility for your actions.
     So how do I get a job? This blog is mainly on changing your attitude, but there are many resources to help you. First, pray. Heavenly Father is your biggest supporter. He will help you overcome those feeling of inadequacy. Lean on family too. Let them know of your desire for work and use them as a network. Check out employment centers. Talk with counselors. The LDS church has great resources. Use the employment specialists. They are there to help you and want to used. Take action and go out and look. Keep on looking even on your greyest days.
    Am I out of tune with the unemployed. NO! My mom was the unemployed. My father did not take his role as provider seriously. Our family went through unnecessary stress and heartache because of poor financial choices. We did not have freedom.
     I write this blog to give others hope. Financial freedom and self reliance is an attitude. It is taking responsibility of your life and choices. My hope is that you can see it is possible even to achieve self reliance when everything is grey around you.
     I haven't been in the workforce for over 10 years. I've been doing the most noble job for the last 10 years without a vacation, without a paycheck, not much recognition and even sometimes feeling inadequate too. I actually fear entering the work fore. On my resume,  under experience, I would be considered "Displaced Homemaker"...Displaced...really?. That would make anyone feel inadequate. Thank goodness, I have lived my life in a responsible way that allows me to stay home. I am grateful for that. But I know our home is not immune to the hardships in life. If I ever find myself having to work and trust me it won't be for personal satisfaction, my attitude towards work has not changed. I know the job seeking process will be hard, stressful, and yucky!  But when you have an attitude of personal financial responsibility and self reliance that pride will sustain you through the process. And of course, don't forget to pray!

We cry, JOBS, JOB, JOBS!!! So what are you going to do about it?